women with problems: the myth of the romantic comedy

I recently caved in and watched a true, undeniable chick flick, which I try to avoid because they usually end up irritating me. Not because they're cheesy, or predictable, or merely because they easily equate sex with love. I find them most frustrating because of the way they're subtly telling women to deal, or rather not deal, with their own problems.

The underlying message of many a romantic comedy is: you don't have to find a way to deal with your problems, because they will cease to be an issue as soon as you meet the right guy. If a man doesn't love you, that's because he's blind, not because you need to take a look at yourself. You're rarely, if ever wrong. If you're compulsive, shallow, egotistical or unwilling to let go of baggage, why should you try to better yourself? Why should you grow a backbone, practice self-control, strive for any virtue, or simply quit whining? Out there is the perfect man who will be a willing doormat to your denial, alcoholism, low self esteem, etc. etc.

Case in point:

The Holiday (one of two main subplots)

Cameron Diaz: I'm a self-centered, shallow, neurotic girl whose only sympathetic trait is that I have such bad taste in men, you might feel bad for me.

*goes to England*

*stumbles into Jude Law*

Cameron Diaz: I'm trying to avoid men because I'm messed up, but let's be honest here, we all knew that would last five minutes. And you're cute and you won't remember me because you're drunk. Let's have sex.

Jude Law: Huh?

*they do*

Jude Law: Whilst I seemed to be the rakish man you thought was hot, lo! Fair lady, I am in fact a responsible, cultured, sensitive widower and stay at home father with two small children who want a stepmom who looks like Barbie. I even cry. A lot. All the time.

Cameron Diaz: I can't deal this! Why can't you be a jerk? Then, no guilt. I'd completely screw us up. Can't we just have sex again and not worry about it?

Jude Law: You're the most depressing girl I've ever met…I love you. ( real line there). I want to be with you till the stars turn cold.

Cameron Diaz: I'm incapable of saying I love people. And I hate shoddy English villages. So tacky.

Jude Law: *cries*

Cameron Diaz: But oh, I can't resist those tears. Oh well. I guess I'll stick around.

THE END

(Other major offenders: Bridget Jones 1&2, Notting Hill, etc.)

This sounds like a key fantasy of women who buy into pop psychology's belief that if you say you're OK enough times, it will eventually be true. And if you say it loudly and aggressively enough, the gorgeous, faithful man you want will be yours. And yet, a thousand women’s magazine articles declare that we still have low self-esteem, still get frustrated with ourselves and with even the “perfect” men.

Women need to realize they are strong enough to admit faults, to recognize and foster virtue. They have value, so much value, but this worth comes with responsibility. Viewing the ideal man as a mindless consort (who doesn’t really care if you’re a decent person or not) is terrifyingly stupid. How many contemporary women would be furious if the gender roles of this dynamic were switched in current movie after current movie?